Rating: G, harmless.
Summary: Rory tries to sort out some of the events of
this year in a journal.
Disclaimer: Nope, they're not mine, I don't have
permission from anyone and please don't sue!!
Distribution: Anywhere, just please let me know first,
and keep these headings.
Author's Notes: Ok, I really tried to keep Rory in
character for this, and I think I failed miserably,
but looking through my own journal I was inspired!
Please let me know if any of this struck true to you.


Dear Journal...

by eve


Dear Journal,

Well, this is something new. I never thought that I'd
be keeping a journal. I mean, journals are for
confused hormone-driven teenagers, whos biggest goal
in life is to snag a boyfriend. Right? Not Rory
Gilmore, straight A, future student of Harvard. Who
also happens to be a very confused hormone-driven
teenager.

Ever since Chilton, my life's been just...strange.
First boyfriend, I can deal with. I guess it was
inevitable-even for me. Biggest rival, again,
inevitable. Having my heart broken and kissing guys
who I don't even like. I guess its all part of the
growing up process. But cram it all into a few months,
add weekly dinners with the grandparents and a mother
whose flirting more and more with the man who owns our
coffee place...well, its not what I expected out of
being 16 that's for sure!

Ok, lets slow down. That's what I'm always telling Mom
right? I guess the point of a journal is to work
things out. So that's what I'm going to do. First
things first. Dean. I love him, I think. I still don't
know. He told me he loved me and, honestly, my first
reaction wasn't confusion or surprise. It was to say
"I love you too." But then Rational Rory took over.
Did he mean it? How do I know if I love him? So,
yeah, I freaked. But did didn't have to dump me over
it! I'm still bitter about that. Supposedly he loved
me--why would he dumped someone he loved? I still
don't have the answers.

Paris just confuses me. She's the biggest bitch I've
met! But somehow I still pity her, I still want to be
friends with her. Ok, so maybe not *friends* but I
want to be there for her. I know that Madeline and
Louise aren't going to, and everyone needs friends. So
maybe I'll be there for her. If she ever gets over the
Tristan thing.

I don't like Tristan. How can I like someone who
doesn't even call me by my real name. Mary? Sometimes
I think I inheritated my tongue from my mother, but I
just can't think of any response to a biblical insult!
Maybe that's why he bothers me so much, because I
don't know what to do around him. We're always
fighting. Unless of course we're kissing....But that
was only that once! And its not going to happen again.
I hope. At least, I think I hope.

As far as Mom and Luke goes...well, it could lead to
interesting results.

So I didn't solve anything. Big surprise there. Well,
it was worth a shot. And who knows? Maybe someday I'll
look back at this and laugh.

~Rory

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