disclaimer in part 1
The Voices in Your Head
_ _ _
Part 2: Can the Rules be Changed?
Rory opened her eyes and looked around the room as she sat up and stretched.
Her head was still pounding but at least the room had stopped spinning. A
great improvement She vaguely remembered someone being here before she
fell asleep but couldn’t quite remember who it was. It all came back as she
saw Tristan in the chair with the book still opened spread across his
stomach. He was breathing softly and had a slight smile on his face. Rory
took this opportunity to admire and muse about their relationship and his
personality while he was asleep and couldn’t contradict any good feelings
she had left about him.
* Now why can’t be the boy be as much of an angel while he’s awake as he
looks when he’s asleep. But, no, the arrogant conceited male rears its ugly
head whenever we try and talk to each other.* she mused while watching him
*Now that conversation we had the car wasn’t bad at all. He was intelligent
and witty without a hint of his usually annoying names and arrogant
presumptions. Why can’t we talk like that all the time? Because you told him
that you hate him. Ah the voice comes again. I thought you only talked
when I was sick. No I’m here all the time I just don’t always chose to make
my presence known to you. Well then why now oh great and powerful Oz? Take
back the attitude missy. You’re missing one very important aspect of this
young creature that you see here before you. What that he enjoys torturing
me? Oh you know you love it Quit lyin’ to yourself. You, my friend, are in
denial. Denial of what? Look at his actions and listen to his words. All
will become clear in time. But for now cut him some slack. He did a good
thing today. Learn about the real Tristan before you make your judgment on
his character. Hate is a very strong word and speaking it when you don’t
really mean it can have dire consequences. So why would he care if I said
it? Nothing else I’ve said has ever seemed to faze him. Have you not
listened to anything I’ve said? The answers lie in him. I’m in your head. I
don’t know everything. Can you stop with the lecturing soon? My head’s
starting to hurt again.*
Tristan woke up slowly, opening his eyes to find Rory sitting up and
seemingly staring right at him. Her face however was totally blank.
“Rory? You all right?” He asked when she didn’t seem to even blink.
She shook her head as to clear it and looked at him.
“Excuse me but did you say something?”
“Yeah I just called out your name. You looked like you totally spaced out.”
“Just thinking about some things. I’ve noticed that being sick gives you
lots of time for reflection.”
“That having been said, What are you doing here?”
Tristan gave her his isn’t-it-obvious-look and replied, “You sick, me take
you home, you fall asleep.
“Thanks Tarzan. Now what are you still doing here?” she asked folding her
arms across herself.
“Your mom left a note saying that she wasn’t gonna be home till tomorrow.
You were pretty out of it earlier so I figured that I had better stay just
in case it got worse.”
“Sure you did.” Said Rory with her eyebrows raised.
“What?” asked Tristan with an innocent expression. “I guess that it is too
much to get a thank you for all my hard work. Ill just do it myself.” He
stood up in front of the couch and turned to the side. “Thank You Tristan
for carrying me to the nurse’s office, for taking me home, for staying with
me so that I wouldn’t be all alone with my head splitting migraines. “ He
then took a step and turned the other way. “Oh your very welcome Rory. It
was least that I could do since you could barely walk.” He walked back over
to the chair and sat down and smiled widely at Rory. “There.”
Rory tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably and ended up
breaking down in laughter. She buried her face in her hands as she laughed.
Tristan just sat there with an amused expression on his lips.
“Oww oww this laughing is making my head hurt even more. Ohh thanks Tristan
I really needed that.”
“Quite welcome, I’m glad that I amuse you.” He replied.
“Now did you say that my mom wasn’t going to be home for a bit or was that
one of my delusion ravings. ”
“You mean besides that raving that had you calling out my name in your
sleep,” replied Tristan with a smirk. He continued as his comment was met
with a glare. “She left a note on the refrigerator saying that she had to go
to Philadelphia and wouldn’t be home till tomorrow afternoon.”
Rory nodded at his statement and was once again lost in thought dwelling on
Why in God’s name he would help her and stay with her all this time.
“Do I look like I know why your mom would have to go?”
“No I mean why did you help me and all that.”
“Hmmm. . . “ replied Rory looking at him trying to tell if that was really
why. She couldn’t read his expression; it was completely blank. And his
eyes were guarded. But she knew something was up.
“For what?” replied Tristan
“You have just won the ‘best cover up of a hidden agenda’ award.
“Well thank you. What’s my prize?” asked Tristan suggestively.
“Your crown will arrive in 4 – 6 weeks.”
“ohh, ohh, Do I get to cry uncontrollably and wave while I wear it?”
“Only if I can take pictures,” replied Rory with a wide smile.
“Deal,” answered Tristan smiling back.
Rory reflected once again on how their conversation was strangely civil and
non-offensive as well as amusing. She decided to risk it and ask the
question that had been plaguing her.
“Ok. My head still hurts but I’m going to go for it and ask you something.
Why can’t we talk like this all the time?”
“Talk like what?” asked Tristan confused.
“Like we’re actually friends. Like we don’t want to annoy and hurt one
“I’ll answer that for you on one condition.”
“Okay.” answered Rory, suspicious.
“An answer for an answer.”
She nodded in acquiescence. “You first.”
“Granted. Why do I act the way I do around you Rory?” mused Tristan as he
sat back and tried to think. “Well I guess it can all be traced to the First
Grade Sandbox Theorem.”
“The First Grade Sandbox Theorem?”
“Exactly, first and second is where you first notice the opposite sex. Now
there are no hormones present or any other things. Having a boyfriend or
girlfriend consists of kissing on the cheek. This is before girls and boys
get cooties in third and fourth grade. Anyway I’m getting ahead of myself.
Lets go back to how to get this boyfriend or girlfriend. Now being a member
of the male sex I can only speak on that which I know. That all having been
said, let’s get to the sandbox. In order to show a girl you like them, you
bug the hell out of them in many ways while in school or what have you. And
that includes throwing sand at them or somehow managing to get it in their
hair or something. Its goes right along with the Hair Pulling Axiom.”
“So you’re basically saying that you, in accordance with the whole male
species, are not more mature than you were in first grade,” replied Rory.
“I guess you could look at it that way although I believe it to be more of a
regression. And only in the area of relations between boys and girls.”
“I see,” said Rory. *Moral of the story: annoy the one you like. * “So your
also now telling me that you like me right? Is that what this is all about?”
“Pretty much. But I must say that I used to like you.”
“Used to as in previously, beforehand and not anymore?”
“Precisely,” replied Tristan with a nod of his head. “Yeah I stopped liking
you by Christmas.” He added with a mischievous smile. *Let her think on that
one for a while. *
“Ok well then.” Rory sat in silence while trying to comprehend what he had
just admitted so easily. It was totally and uncharacteristically Tristan to
just go and lay it out there. There must be something that she’s missing.
Suddenly it came to her, “ But wait, then why do you still torture me now?”
Tristan smiled at how naïve she was. He was incredibly surprised she had
not figured it out for herself by now. I mean could the boy give any more
clues. He, however, was not ready to let this conversation get any farther.
To give her his heart and then to have it refused was not the type of pain
that Tristan was too keen on feeling at the moment. Of course he did
realize that she already had his heart. She just didn’t know it yet.
“uh uh uh, That would be question number two and the conditions previously
stipulated upon said one answer. Now I believe that I just answered your
question. And answered it quite eloquently if I do say so. Time to answer
“Oh lord, I’m now scared.”
“Oh be afraid. Be very afraid.” joked Tristan with a smile. He thought for
a few moments and knew what he wanted to know. This question and what the
answer might possibly be had been lurking in the back of his mind since that
fateful day. But now sitting with Rory in such a cozy room all alone, his
courage failed. He couldn’t ask what he desperately wanted to know because
of what he knew the answer was going to be. He shook of his feelings of
insecurity and plastered a smile onto his face.
“Well there’s one thing that I want to know but I’m gonna wait to ask it.”
Rory had been watching him once again during his little moment of thought.
She saw many things go through his face including despair, fear, pain and
uncertainty and wondered what on earth he could have to ask her that would
cause the Great Tristan DuGrey, who exhumed confidence, to be having such
feelings. That plastered smile heightened her suspicion even further.
*Hmmm . . . my little voice must be right. He must have an almost
completely different personality than the one that he shows most often to
everyone. * Her suspicions made her realize that also deep down inside she
desperately wanted to know the real Tristan.
“Keeping me on my toes, eh?”
“Always,” replied Tristan with his characteristic smirk. “Well now that
we’ve got that squared away, how are you feeling?”
“Better. The dizziness has faded to lightheadedness but the headaches still
“I know that you probably don’t want to be stuck with me here taking care of
you. But I don’t think you should be left alone considering how sick you
were a little bit ago.”
Rory was touched by his concern and his kindness. “Thank You Tristan.”
He smiled, “Hey I got it after all. So are you hungry or something?”
“I’m alright I guess, what time is it anyway?”
“umm. . half past freckle,” answered Tristan while looking at his wrist.
“Funny,” replied Rory.
“I thought so,” replied Tristan with a self-satisfied smile “Don’t you have
any clocks around here?”
“There should be one on the VCR.”
“And that would be…”
“On top of the TV.”
“Ahhh ingenious place.”
“I thought so.”
Tristan got up and walked over to the VCR. “Its 12:35. Wow we slept for
like 3 hours. And I think that it’s now lunchtime. Did you have breakfast?”
“A pop tart and coffee.”
“Ugh how can you drink that stuff? It tastes like burnt rubber?”
Rory gave him a disgusted look, “Get back, Satan.”
“Well anyway, I think maybe eating something will help you feel better.
Maybe you have low blood sugar or something.”
“Wow,” replied Rory.
“You’re acting all doctory.”
“Yeah well I guess that makes you my patient for the day. And you know you
must do whatever the doctor says.”
Rory just snorted at that little comment. Tristan walked into the kitchen
with Rory following in surprise. She watched in amazement as he opened the
refrigerator and cabinets.
“How do you people eat? Don’t you ever go shopping? How am I supposed to
feed you when there’s nothing in the house?”
“Wow,” answered Rory.
“What now?” asked Tristan over his shoulder as he now opened another
cabinet. “Don’t you have any pots or pans?”
“You’re now acting all cooky and care-givery. Will the wonders never cease?”
“How do you live?”
“We usually eat our meal’s out at Luke’s.”
“Ok, are you well enough to go out or do they have take out or delivery or
“no delivery but they do have take out and yes I think I am ok to go. But
first I want to change out of this horrible uniform.”
“Good call. I have clothes in my car is it alright if I use your bathroom
“Of course. Knock your socks off.” came her reply as she was retreating into
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As Rory opened her closet and drawers looking for something to wear, she
found the dress that she had worn a few months ago to Madeline’s party and
the events of that night came back fresh in her mind. She remembered her
own uncomfortable ness as well as the look on Tristan’s face as he was
dumped before everyone. But two things stood out even more in her mind, the
kiss and what she saw when she looked into his eyes just before. *Jeese, I
can’t believe I’m thinking about this again. I mean sure it was a good
kiss; Hell I can’t deny that I didn’t kiss him back. But the timing was
off. We were both emotional and stressed out. But what was in his eyes that
night? He looked like there was no where else he would of liked to be and
with no one else. And he let the first glimpse of his true character show
through. He was a totally different person to me for a while: civil, nice
and totally unlike his arrogant usual self. Why did it all have to change?
Because silly, you ripped his heart out threw it on the ground and did the
happy dance over it with your boyfriend. Oh great the voice speaks again.
You know I seriously think I’m going crazy. First Tristan and then you.
This has been one crazy day. And what they heck are you talking about? OK
let’s rewind again. Tristan mean, you and Tristan come to an understanding
AFTER he kisses you AND you kiss back, you refuse when he wants to take you
to a concert, hurt him, make him defensive and crazy because he doesn’t know
how to act around you, and then kiss your ex-boyfriend right in front of
him. Hell I even feel bad for the guy.*
Rory suddenly saw an image clear as day of Tristan right before she turned
back to Dean and right after she told him she loved him. It was filled with
pain and disappointment. He saw him put down her books and quietly walk
away in the other direction with his head down. *But why should that hurt
him? He told me himself that he doesn’t like me anymore. Yeah well the boy’s
clever I’ll give him that. Think about what he said and find the true
meaning behind his words. It will all make sense eventually. What about
Dean? I love him right? How does he fit into all this? Why does Tristan mean
so much to me? You have to answer those questions yourself. You are myself!
Good call but since you don’t know how could I. *
Rory sighed and put away the dress. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a
t-shirt, changed and walked out the door.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
While he walked back to his car and found his clothes, Tristan was deep in
thought about what he had been doing that day and about Rory’s reaction to
him and to their conversations. *Why is she being so nice and civil to me?
I mean she’s the one who told me that she hates me. I can still remember
every detail of that day. It was beautiful outside. It’s almost surreal
how I remember just how vivid the colors were as we stepped out into the
courtyard. That girl had me going crazy and I had no idea how to react to
her. Then it happened and he showed up.*
Tristan saw an image of Rory’s face in his mind when she saw him by the car
and they day moved as if on fast-forward. “I love you, you idiot.” And then
that kiss. All the feelings and emotions came racing back. The pain, the
despair, the jealousy and the anguish. He was left breathless once again.
Her words rang in his head “I hate you.” He shook his head again as he began
to walk up the stairs to her porch and up to the door. *How could I let
someone get to me so bad? It’s always been a game never anything serious.
The chase, the kill, then you break up with them. You never get in too deep.
Caring about them means that they can hurt you. You open yourself up to
love and you get shot down. Those are the rules in my world. But I’ve
broken all the rules for her and thus I get the same result. Pain and
despair. Nothings different and nothing will ever change. *
He walked into the house and found the bathroom. He changed and stared at
his reflection in the mirror. *There’s no point in playing the game anymore.
You’re not that confident player. And you’re not even close to being worthy
of her. The game’s over but the rules remain. NO ONE knows the real you.
Not your parents or your siblings. But maybe she could. She would
understand you since no one else does. *
He smiled at his reflection. Maybe the rules could be changed after all.